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Every once in a while there’s trends that I just don’t get. I don’t mean like the Crazy Frog shit that’s going round, I mean trends amongst people who I know inside out or have the utmost respect for. Trends amongst people I appreciate and whose interests I share. No doubt you’ll have friends who appreciate something you don’t get. Bit of a random subject, but I saw this on another blog and thought I’d have a crack at a few subjects myself.

- The Killers - I enjoyed ‘Hot Fuss’. Ok, I lied. I enjoyed the first 5 songs on Hot Fuss, after that they’re just a very average group. There’s a sort of indie rock take over at the moment, and I’m not jumping on the band wagon because I’m not that into the genre, but its creating some very refreshing albums. In the past year or so I’ve become a fan of Franz Ferdinand, Kasabian, Razorlight and a few other groups. It shocked the hell out of me when The Killers kept sweeping awards ahead of the bands I just mentioned, so I promptly got the album. “Smile Like You Mean It” is just annoying and there’s another one which gets on my nerves too. The first 5 songs are where the quality is in the album, including SLYMI, after that it just becomes incredibly difficult and uneasing to listen to the rest. They’re a very average group in a time that is spawning much better acts.

- Mullets - My mates aren’t too bad for this sort of thing, I don’t know too many people with these new-aged mullets. Regardless, I know a lot of friends-of-friends that couldn’t be any more mulletified if they tried. I remember the Nasty Boys from the early 90s of the WWF, and to me those mullets just looked pure awful. Sure the ones around these days are more modern , because you add some highlights in there *rolls eyes*, but they’re still the same thing. The sooner they fuck off the better, the only hair cut that pisses me off more is the bowl cut… or curtains. Both of which you mainly find on 10 year old lads whose decisions are made by their mothers… so its not really their fault.

- Footballers Wives - I honestly thought this was a spoof show the first time I watched it. And now it baffles me that the actors are nominated for awards and considered celebrities. When I was a whipper-snapper I used to watch Dream Team quite often, but thats because they actually showed coverage from football games as well as the glamorous lifestyle that goes with it. Footballers Wives is like the boring side of dream team, with a pinch of the most unreal storylines possible. Throw in transvestites, porn, homosexuality, suicides and whatever else you can to try and stop the footballers from playing in games you never actually get to see. The acting is awful and I’m told it is more about sex than anything else. Maybe I’d know if I didn’t feel the need to end my life before the introduction ends, forcing me to change the channel.

- MySpace.com - To me this just looks like a good version of Faceparty, or anything else where you put up your pictures and send messages to your mates. Except this seems like an emo version. I know quite a few really cool people who are on myspace (Toby, Robin, Greg to name just a few) but its something I’ve just never understood the thrill of, and I’m more of an internet person than all of them. The only good thing about Myspace is perving at the hot under age girls in my area, and there are quite a lot of them.

- Converse- Infact, its not that I don’t get Converse, its just that I fucking hate them. What I don’t get is why such an ugly piece of footwear is now a leading brand. I know they’ve been around for years but the past few they’ve been unwelcome in my life and seem to get more and more popular. To me there’s too much lace going on, they make your feet look skinny (I know what I mean) and they look uncomfortable as hell. Converse are like skin-tight t-shirts for your feet, and god made feet the ugliest things in the world. Plus, there’s such a lack of variety in converse… you’ve got a patch at the front of the sneaker which is one colour, and then a dominant colour that makes up the rest of them. I want to post a picture to show you but I might get so filled with rage that I powerbomb the neighbours’ 1 year old son through a Hell in a Cell. I’d rather burn in hell before wearing converse, I so don’t get why everybody anally batters them without butter.

I think thats all there is at the moment.

I listened to the new Black Eyed Peas album. I still haven’t made up my mind on it. I like Track 4 a lot though.

I go on holiday next week. 7 days in sunny Magaluf with 3 of my best mates.

I don’t like the way people dance, especially at weddings. Why do people just stand still but move their hips? Two step all the way, baby. I try to film shit dancers at weddings from the bar. It doesn’t work. The room is too dark.

I don’t know if I’m allowed to put up stories, pictures or videos of work. I think it might be a breach of privacy.

My mum got me a pack of 20 condoms for my holiday. I told her she was being a bit optimistic, but I appreciated it all the same.

Lee had a bad shift at work. I laughed.

A friend of mine has just bought a brand new car for six grand. He can’t even write properly, let alone drive. I love him though.

Flipsyde are mint. Scroll down and listen to their music.

Alex at work is the most homophobic person in the world. I keep blowing him kisses. He says he’s going to kick my ass because I’m a fag.

I just got paid £406. I wish they actually waited until the end of the month to calculate my pay so I’d have over £500.

I fucking love the smell of Baileys. It’s like the best smell in the world.

My boss at work says every man grows up to be like his father. I hope so because my dad walked out on my mum and within a month he had a bird over 10 years younger than him, 20 grands worth of convertible Mercedes and a super cool attitude on life.

E4 is now on freeview. I think I’ll buy it.

Some people think having a website is sad. No sadder than having a big interest in Star Wars, scooters, planes or cars. That isn’t directed at anyone in particular, just an example of the super cool people I know that have different passions.

I’ve gone into Lacoste and ‘Penguin’ overload. I need some Adidas forum lo’s in my life. Why are they so fucking expensive. I’m going to shell out for two pairs when I get back from holiday.

Got to wait until September until I can move to Sunderland :(. I want to go now.

I leave college for good in less than a month. I’m going to miss my little cliq of friends (4) that I’ve seen almost every day for the past 2 years. We still haven’t had a night out together.

Limp Bizkit’s new album “The Unquestionable Truth, Part 1” sucks. They may as well have called it “We’re trying to be like Rage Against the Machine, Part 1”. The level of biting can only be rivalled by the Mr Burns’ hounds.

I’ve got a real craving for laser quest.

I’m listening to System of a Down. I love them. I want to go see them live but I’m a hip-hop wigger. If I go I’ll die in all the moshing that’s involved.

Jherricurls need to make a come back.

I created a black b-ball player on NBA Live called Eddie Malcolm Jr. He’s 5 years old, raised in Argentina and he’s 7ft 6. That’s one scary toddler. It made me laugh lots.

I’m currently creating alias’ for myself. Prompted by a discussion with Mr Usher about all of O.D.B.’s (RIP) A.K.A.s. Big Baby Jesus being my favourite.

I asked a fit girl for her phone number the other night. She gave it to me \o/. I might give it to her.

I watched a documentary on Ron Jeremy the other night. He was doing some gal doggie style while eating a plate of cake that was rested on her back. I nearly collapsed my lung I was laughing that hard. Ron Jeremy needs to hurry up with an autobiography.

Speaking of autobiographies. Is it just me or has Jay-Z’s autobiography been “in the works” for about 78 years.

I don’t know how to take the 2 second gaps between songs off Nero when you’re burning CDs. If you know then you can either laugh at me or you can tell me by e-mailing me.

The new versions of the Ninja Turltes suck.

What’s the deal with every man and his dog having a website these days? There shouldn’t be free ones. People wouldn’t pay to own a website if they were dull as shit.

I trapped my finger under a pump when I was changing a barrel last night. It was all blood. I screamed a little.

I’m convinced Michael Jackson is going to get away with his 10 charges of molestation. People keep talking about how he’s £200+ million in debt. If he sells his Neverland shit hole he’ll be loaded, again.

When I went to see Snoop Dogg/Game back in February, they had an odd supporting act from California called Flipsyde. They’re a hard act to describe, they’ve got an acoustic guitarist, an electric guitarist, a rapper and a scratch DJ. Odd combination but they’ve got a unique and interesting sound, or atleast I think so anyway. My memory was jogged the other day when I went on Interscope.com and found an advert for them.

I followed the site to look at their site, and they’re supporting Game again when he comes over in July (I’m going to see that in Manchester \o/) and they’re also supporting Black Eyed Peas’ European Tour. To celebrate Flipsyde getting a push from Interscope and touring with huge artists, I’ve uploaded some songs from their EP. Someday is their current single in America, they’ve got an album out in the summer, and I would recommend it to anyone who likes originality in artists.

My camera was shit went I went to see them, mainly because it was the first time I had tried using my camera at a gig and the focus n stuff was set all wrong. It’s a very sensitive camera and most of the time pictures came out blurry. So I focused on videos. I’ll have the shitty pictures up… eventually. Can’t wait to see them again in July \o/.

In more music/web-related findings, I found quite possibly the best website for an artist/group I’ve ever seen. I didn’t like the Gorillaz new album, but I’ve always been a fan of their work and especially the songs they release into the mainstream. Their website is one of the strangest and most random sites I’ve ever come across, but it’s excellent. You’re allowed to tour their recording home, Kong Studios, where you stroll across Shooting Ranges, each member of the group’s bedroom, computers, toilets, basements, etc. The site is completely interactive and very detailed - you can go into their audition room and listen to a number of new acts by picking the tapes you want to hear, you can play games and all sorts. I found myself just clicking for the hell of it because I didn’t know what I was doing but there’s so much to do. A mate of mine says they’ve won a Brit award for it - I should hope so because it’s fb and I bet it cost an arm and a leg to build. Gorillaz.com if you hadn’t already guessed. Take a look.

Just downloaded the new Black Eyed Peas album. Will review it next time I have a few free minutes.

Being a Man United fan I should never want Liverpool to win, in any circumstances. But I can’t help thinking they did a fb job last night. Coming back from 3-0 down in 45 minutes against AC Milan is one astonishing feat. They don’t even have a particularly great team, unlike AC Milan so well done Liverpool. Gerrard deserves a trophy of that standard to his name and lets hope a trophy of this calibre will bring a 4th team to the title race with Utd, Arsenal and Chelski.

For anybody who saw the game, I don’t think any journalist can do it justice, so I won’t try to evaluate the game. I thought Garcia’s goal in the semi’s was one of the best goals I’d seen in years, but Milan’s third last night was absolutely stunning. Commentators often get excited by 35 yard screamers, free kicks and such but that goal last night left me with my jaw wide open. An inch perfect pass from inside their own half (by Kaka I think?) followed by blistering pace and a sublime finish by Crespo is the best goal I have ever seen in a Champions League final. I saw a roundup of the top 10 CL final goals last week, Zidane’s volley against Bayer Leverkusen was number 2 and some random player for Inter Milan got number 1 - but for me Crespo’s last night was better than them all… I could talk about it all day.

I didn’t see the game live on Wednesday (because I was doing my bar man bit for a college leaver’s ball - unlike the sixth form one last week I got two phone numbers this time \o/) so I had to stay up until 1.30am to watch the game in its entirety. It was a pain in the arse because people at the bar kept mentioning the game and the chef’s in our restaurant had already heard the score, which ruined it for them, and they wanted to ruin it for somebody else. I heard whilst working on the bar that the game got to 3-3 and the boss said to me “you can’t end a final on a draw” so I pretty much guessed it went to penalties, although I wasn’t expecting such a great game.

I just hope UEFA see sense and let Liverpool defend their Champions League title. I think its funny that the fourth best team in England last year, and fifth best this year, are the champions of Europe. But that’s how the system works. Maybe if UEFA didn’t let so many teams from each country in the competition they wouldn’t have this problem in the first place. But, as they’re already letting 3-4 teams from each country in they should let Liverpool join that list. It’s the League for Champions, and Liverpool are the Champions of Europe. End of discussion really.

Ever since I bought NBA Live 2005 for the PS2 I’ve become a huge fan of one man, even though I’ve never seen him play. At 7ft 6, Yao Ming is the biggest athlete I’ve ever seen. 7ft 6 is big. That’s like Shaq, with a cat on his head. And Shaq is a big man, so it goes without saying that Yao Ming is a big man.

Yao’s head is as big as a basketball (that’s big).

The funniest thing about NBA Live 2005 is when Yao’s profile comes up it says “School: China”. Now last time I checked China was the most populated country in the world? So much so that they restricted the amount of babies people could have. So, with China having more people than Ameria… it amuses me greatly that the people at EA sports think “surely there’s only one school in China… China”. Good work guys, you made me laugh.

I don’t know if Yao is any good, simply because I don’t watch basketball. I don’t spend my nights glued to Sky Sports to watch a sport that I have very little understanding of. Maybe if I could watch it regularly I’d get to see the guy in action. A friend of mine who’s into his b-ball asured me that “Yao isn’t that great. He’s too slow. Shaq could eat him for breakfast”. I don’t think all the breakfasts I’ve had in my 18 years put together would quite be 7ft 6 and/or 310 pounds, so Shaq would deserve some credit if thats true. I will watch the big man in action and report back on whether he can slam dunk without leaving the floor (god I hope so).

He’s not just a big man though, he has a big heart. Last year he went back to China to host a national telethon to raise money for victims of SARS, and such. What a guy. If I was that big I’d have just reach up to heaven and been like “Yo God, that SARS shit is whack, word” but I don’t know how tall people think.

Yao joins my list of people I’d like to have at my ideal tea party - with Har Mar Superstar, Maddox, Tiffany Amber Thiesen (aka Kelly Kapowski), Kayleigh Pearson, Amerie, Nas, the Man United squad and all the artists from Interscope. One day it will happen.

I want you all to pay a visit to www.yaoming.net to ask the big man a question, look at his pictures or laugh at how funny it must be to see him get on/off a bus. Or ride a unicycle. Or do a hand stand. Or try to use monkey bars without touching the floor. You get the idea.

In sports its not always the best teams that win, and yesterdays FA Cup Final was a perfect example of that. Sometimes luck favours teams and they come out with a win despite not really being on top in a game. Arsenal weren’t even lucky yesterday though. I think its safe to say that Arsenal didn’t win yesterday’s final, United lost it. It’s painful when a season’s worth of frustrations of a lack of scoring come back to haunt you in what was ultimately our most important game of the season.

Another season without trophyware now means people are going to be calling for Fergie to quit during the summer. The way United played yesterday was all down to Fergie. United were exceptional. Fergie’s tactics were spot on because in the first half Arsenal couldn’t play the football they wanted. Arsenal had to play through the middle, they’re not a team that rely on wing play, rather quick infield passing - but while Arsenal usually like playing through the middle this time there was 5-6 United players waiting for them at all times. United had 9/10 players behind the ball everytime Arsenal tried to spur an attack. Usually this would be a team playing for a draw but then United were going straight at them when they got possession. Fergie set that team up perfectly, the only thing he couldn’t do was get them the goal they deserved. So anybody who thinks that a change of personnel will solve all our problems is wrong, Fergie proved yesterday he’s still got what it takes. I hope he sticks around to put his team back at the top of the pile, leaving a club he’s made the most prolific in the world in the state they’re in would be quite sad.

The two players that lit up that final yesterday were Rooney and Ronaldo. The pair of them were absolutely fantastic. Ronaldo raped Lauren pretty much non-stop and he dribbled round Vieira with ease a couple of times. He was simply stunning. When Ronaldo first arrived he was a party piece, then he became a frustrating player with promise who didn’t quite know how/when it was appropriate to use it. Now he’s starting to come together and I have no qualms in saying he’ll be one of the best in the world in a few years time. He’s one of the few positives United have left to hang on to. Rooney is the same, he’s a player that we need at the moment who can flip games on their heads. While Ronaldo was providing chance after chance for the team yesterday, Rooney was making things happen. His shot off the post fooled Lehmann. Along with Robben and Shaun Wright-Phillips, Rooney and Ronaldo are going to be two of the biggest players in the Premiership’s future.

When it comes to trying to figure out why United aren’t upto stopping Chelsea, it’s quite hard to pinpoint big weaknesses. We’ve got two of the best defenders in the world - Rio Ferdinand and Gabriel Heinze. Those two would walk into 99% of teams in the rest of the world. Wes Brown and Mikael Silvestre might not quite be on the same level but when they’re having good days they can be fantastic. Wes Brown when we played Arsenal at Highbury anybody? So there’s no real weakness there. No more so than any other defence going. However, the sooner we get rid of Gary Neville the better, he’s a cunt.

The only weakness I’ve seen this year is a lack of goalscorers. To win leagues and cups you need players who deliver blow after blow to other teams, and United haven’t had that consistently this year. Arsenal have it in Henry, Chelsea have it in Lampard and Liverpool have it in Gerrard. Man Utd have players who can do it all over the pitch, but we don’t have any players who do it every single week. Rooney is probably the best we’ve had, Saha/Smith haven’t been hitting the back of the net anywhere near as much as they should, van Nistelrooy’s been out over half a season (although he hasn’t looked like doing the job either side of those injuries) and the midfield players look like they’ve forgotten how to score. Scholes/Giggs are usually regulars on the score sheet but it was over a month into the start of the season without a midfield player grabbing a goal. If we want to be challenging for honours next year we need that player who can guarantee 20+ goals.

A lot of people are placing goalkeepers as a scapegoat for United, but I honestly don’t see why. There’s no reason for Howard or Carroll to come under fire. Even if we go out and spend money on a keeper it’s not going to be big bucks on a Buffon or a Casillas. If anything, we’ll go and get another Barthez or a Taibi. There’s not too many Schmeichels knocking about in football these days, fans need to remember that. Howard and Carroll make mistakes, but most keepers do. Carroll will most likely leave in the summer but I’m glad to see Howard has got himself a new contract. As mistake-riddled as our keepers have been they’re still prone to some excellent saves. I don’t think this is our weakness at all, our old mentality used to be you score 2 and we’ll score 3. You can’t blame your keeper when you’re not outscoring the other team.

From my point of view, which is pretty irrelevant, there isn’t too many positions we can throw money at with instant results. There’s no point buying a keeper unless we spend big on someone like Casillas (which isn’t going to happen), and there’s no point buying strikers/defenders. We’ve bought enough second rate midfielders in the past 3/4 years, so I don’t want to see us buy any more. If anything, we need to get rid of players who aren’t doing anything… Miller, Kleberson, Fletcher, etc. I don’t get why Fletcher is a starting XI player… he doesn’t possess any attributes that warrant being a central midfielder for one of the biggest clubs in the world. He’s not a pacey player, he doesn’t deliver killer passes regularly, he doesn’t net goals from outside the area and he certainly doesn’t have the tenacity to anchor a team. Average sums him up in one word. Manchester United shouldn’t have average players in the heart of a starting XI… we need to stop buying dead wood (Djemba-Djemba, Miller, Kleberson) and start buying players who will go straight into the first team (Heinze, Rooney).

I’m just glad this season is over. Lets hope the Glazier situation doesn’t affect the team, and he can do his business shit without having to offload the van Nistelrooys and Rooneys. I can’t see Chelsea crumbling next season, and I definitely don’t see us spending £20million+ on any players… hmph.

Because I said I was going to update more often, here I am. I don’t know what this one’s about. So bare with me while I drift through things I’ve done recently.

Last night I went to go see the Amityville Horror which I thought would be another disappointing horror like so many in recent years. How wrong was I. Ryan Reynolds stops doing goofy roles for once and nails down a character who jumps from emotion to emotion in very convincing fashion. He holds the film down and keeps what could have been a very tacky storyline (a house talking to you?) into a spooky movie. It isn’t a particularly horrifying film but it doesn’t half make you jump. The camera angles and the sound especially are used magnficently put together to make you shit yourself. I usually just laugh at horrors - Texas Chain Saw Massacre, Exorcist, etc - but this one had me on the edge of my seat. Definitely worth the money.

One film that isn’t worth any money at all is Open Water. A few nights ago my sister rented out White Noise and she got a free film (because we rent out a lot of films) and I immediately got her to pick Open Water. I thought it could be a well directed film similar to the Blair Witch, which isn’t necessarily about what you see, rather the thoughts in your head. Again, I turned out to be very wrong. This turned out to be one of the most uncomfortable films I’ve ever seen. The dialogue was poor, most scenes were unnecessary and it literally is two people trying to stay afloat in water for an hour. Sure, there’s sharks and jellyfish… but they make up about 2 of the 79 minutes. The camera man also has a ridiculous fetish with zooming in on everything in sight. Lights, toothbrushes, flies, bags, peoples’ chests… anything… he’d zoom in on it. It was as if he was given the freedom to play with a new camera, or as if he’d just discovered that zoom existed. How this film got good ratings by the media I’ll never know, it’s awful. The only plus point from this film is a nude scene from Blanchard Ryan which you get almost from the first scene and the thought of seeing her fully naked again was all that kept me watching. She is fit, slightly chubby, but you’d have a go. I get the impression her naked in bed was slipped into the film to stop it from being the worst film ever.

I then tried to watch White Noise, but I was so exhausted from watching Open Water that I fell asleep almost instantly.

I did find another good film this week. Although I only caught the last 30 minutes and thought it ended a bit abruptly I enjoyed every moment of it. It’s called Thirteen, and like Open Water, it was a movie I wanted to see a long time ago. I’m going to have to try and catch the first hour of the film on Sky sometime soon, as I got all the drama and none of the buildup. The film is about an out of control thirteen year old who gets into sex, drugs, violence and everything a thirteen year old shouldn’t be into. Of course, they cast a gorgeous girl for the star role which made it even more enjoyable. Evan Rachel Ward is the main star, and filmed it when she was just 14 which is surprising because in Hollywood you’d usually be about 25 to play a character in their teens (The O.C. anybody?). Anyway… Evan Rachel Ward… she’s not legal yet, but she’s fit and that’s all that matters.

The very bad news from this week is that Tampa Bay Bucaneers owner Malcolm Glazier is taking over Manchester United. He’s nearly at the 75% mark that he needs to fully own the club. It’s a very sad day in football - not just for United fans but every single football fan. The world’s most powerful and prestigious club is now in the hands of somebody who wants to use it to make a quick buck. It’s a known fact that most chairmen and major shareholders in football are in it just to make money, but Glazier is about to turn this club into a walking rip off. Because of his huge loans to by the club, once he gets his 75% shares the club will share his debt (which will be in the region of £500m). As United are a club that only makes £15m profit a year, it’s quite clear to see that he’s going to have to do something fast to make money. This means ticket prices could, and probably will, sky rocket. Players will probably be sold. I’ve even heard talk of Old Trafford being sold, or atleast its name. It’s a sad day in football… he’s not putting his money into a club to fuck it up, but there’s going to be some serious issues at United in the near future.

Oh man, today has been like something out of a movie. It’s been a roller coaster ride from start to finish. I’m going to walk you through it and try and get my breath back.

So I woke up about 10 o’clock because it’s a Sunday and I figure “wahey, I don’t have to do anything”. So I roll over and holy shit, there was the biggest spider about a foot from my face. I’m not kidding. This thing was like the size of New York, it could have eaten a fully grown child if it wanted to. So I’m lying in bed absolutely frozen trying to make sure it doesn’t jump onto me or just bite my whole face off. Lying down still not ready for the day to start and I’m thinking how can I beat something that’s like 72 times my size… it was like David vs Goliath’s very big cousin, who jokes about Goliath being a midget. You know, because he’s bigger than him.

So here’s a birds eye view of the whole scenario.

And the view I had.

The view the spider had.

So I’m planning to do my Bruce Lee shit when I get cramp in my leg. Obviously I can’t roll around in agony because the spiders just gonna eat my leg and be like “Is that better?” and then swallow the rest of me. So I just punched the cunt square in the face. I’m not kidding you. This thing was bigger than my car and a golf course put together, so it was pretty big, and I must have caught it right in the spider’s version of a temple. Why? Because it fell straight to the floor. Now I know I’m a rock hard bastard who scores with super models before and after kicking the shit out of Jean Claude Van Damme, but even I didn’t think the spider was just going to crumble like this.

This leads me to the conclusion that I’m a double hard bastard. Come on the Rob.

So then I went to the pub, you know, pub lunch Sundays and all. And this cranky bitch behind the bar (who is my next door neighbour) is like “Why do you have your music blaring at 3 in the morning, you woke me up last night”. And I’m like “I’m glad the spider ate your dog” before I put her in a sleeper hold. The sensible answer would have been “Because I’m coming home at 3 in the morning and nobody in our street should have gone to bed without my permission, because its MY street”. But I was so full of rage and adrenaline after I kicked that spider’s ass that I just applied a sleeper hold on her and she died on the spot.

I’m currently in negotiations with Warner about an autobiographic version that should hit the cinemas some time next year. Warner have already said that Vin Diesel is dying for the part, but I don’t think his muscles, looks or the way he conveys emotions would do me any justice. Denzel Washington would be my choice, even if I am white.

I ate my Sunday lunch after this whole saga. It was nice. I had two Yorkshire puddings.