Hello.
The first serious debate of 2006 was had last night by myself, and my male flat mates. You see, one of them has a poster of Girls Aloud in his room (don’t ask, he’s a girl in a lads body) and it prompted an interesting dilemma.
I say interesting. You won’t be interested if you’re a girl. Or if you don’t speculate about having sex with attractive girls/celebrities.
The question we put forward; if you were faced with the opportunity to sleep with all the members of Girls Aloud - which order would you do it in?
Now, at face value this doesn’t seem like a difficult question, but as we discussed it with a fair degree of consideration its more difficult than first thought.
Most blokes would say they don’t care, they’d just be happy to be running the gauntlet. Let’s say that hypothetically you’re presented with situations like this all the time. Last week you banged the girls of Atomic Kitten all at once, and the day before that you were involved in a tug of war between Christina and Britney. So hypothetically this is everyday stuff to you now, which means you can be specific in the gauntlet.
So let the consideration begin. In which order do you do it?
Lets look at some of your options.
You could ‘do’ Cheryll first. But chances are your stamina would let you down, and that would only last a minute or so. This picture doesn’t do her justice, she’s absolutely stunning… and while spending a minute with her might be appealing, I know I’d rather spend a fair bit longer with one of the world’s most attractive women.
Alternatively, you could save Cheryll ’til last. At which point you’ve been through the other four members, you’re dripping with sweat and you’d struggle to take the challenge on. Look at the bright side, this session would last absolutely ages. I reckon after having the other four one after the other this could easily last an hour. Your performance probably wouldn’t please her, but who cares, everybody knows women don’t count.
So you’ve got the option of giving Cheryll your best loving first, and realistically lasting very little. Or saving Cheryll ’til last and getting to spend a hell of a lot more time with her.
In the dilemma, where I placed Cheryll depended on the rest of the line up. Cheryll is Girls Aloud, the rest are just making up the numbers as far as I’m concerned. But you could prefer the Ginger, I don’t know. That’s upto you. Anyway, let’s check out the others.
I’m gonna be straight with you. I don’t know the names of any of the other members… I think one is called Nadine, and I think that is the Irish one that we’re going to discuss in a while… but there’s a strong chance I could be wrong. I only embrace Girls Aloud on a visual level. Their music and their names don’t bother me. I only know who Cheryll is as she is engaged to Arsenal left-back Ashley Cole (you lucky sod).
So, for the purpose of this experiment, I’m going to name this young lady #2.
As I believe she’s the second most attractive in the group (I mean, look at those lips!). After Cheryll, and excluding the Ginger one, they’re all roughly about the same level of attractiveness. I’d say this one would get a 7 out of 10, although a 6 would be more likely when she’s not been apple bobbing in make up.
#2 would be a strong candidate for being the warm up to Cheryll, so I don’t think I’d dive in there first, but rather have her somewhere in the middle.
You’ve got to be quite tactful in planning the gauntlet. You can’t go out there all guns blazing. It’s like a game of minesweepers. If you go for the gung ho approach and start clicking everywhere you’re going to come away with nothing. If you go for the gung ho approach with Girls Aloud, hell, you’re still going to get to sleep with one attractive lady, three very good looking ladies and a ginger… but you could end up spending an awfully long time with the ginger if you’re unlucky.
Starting to see the dilemma?
Let’s throw in the rest of the girls then.
I told a lie when I said I only knew Cheryll Tweedy’s name, I actually know this one as well. Sarah Harding, a former bitch of Callum Best and a lady whose graced FHM many a time. I think she was on one of the calendars I had when I went through that phase of plastering my walls with tits and fit women.
Sarah Harding is without a doubt attractive, not as much as Cheryll, but probably more so than the rest of the girls. However for some reason she doesn’t do it for me. For that reason, she might be the opening act in the gauntlet.
To me, once Cheryll and the ginger one had taken their places, it didn’t really matter where the rest of them went. But do you save Sarah until later on, where you’ll have more time, or do you ‘get her out of the way’? Interesting decision. Of course, where you place Sarah depends on where Cheryll will be, and the same with #2.
If you thought it was starting to get complicated, it’s going to get a whole lot more difficult soon.
But before we get to that point, let’s look at the remaining attractive girl. This is the one I think is Nadine. She’s irish, I know that.
I went for a different photo to the rest of this shoot for this girl. I didn’t feel it did her justice. She can either look proper fit or fit for a beating.
So. Because I don’t know her name for sure, I’m going to christen her #4.
#4 has some gorgeous legs, but obviously doesn’t photograph very well. I don’t really have anything else to say about her.
And to be honest, there’s not much else I can say at this point.
You know how the gauntlet works.
You’ve got four attractive ladies so far, how you juggle them is up to you. Whether you give them your best loving and hope they scratch their phone numbers into your back because you’re that good, and risk putting them first, or if you play the stamina route and save the best ’til last. You’d be so tired your standards would obviously drop, but you’d be spending a lot more time doing your thing.
At this point there’s only one more person to place in the gauntlet. Probably the second most notorious member of Girls Aloud, but for the opposite reasons to Cheryll.
And as I said earlier, placing her is as important as where you place Cheryll.
Oh my, I hear you say.
The ugly duckling.
The ginger one.
Yes, as with placing the most beautiful of the bunch (Cheryll), you also need to plan where you’re going to place the least beautiful (this one).
Now, personally, I don’t think she’s that bad. I mean, sure she’s out of her depth. She stands out like Elton John would do if he had collaborated with NWA back in the day. Again, I don’t know her name, and instead of giving her a number I’m just going to call her ginge.
Do you put ginge first in your gauntlet? And ‘get it out of the way’. Ruin a bit of your energy, and just think about what’s to come. Close your eyes and think of Cheryll?
Or do you leave her until last. At this point you’ve had the four gorgeous ones and you’re shattered. Shattered beyond belief. You’re letting out gasps for air, hell if you’re asthmatic you’ve probably used your inhaler by now. Leaving her until last you’re going to be with her for a hell of a long time, but who cares? You’ve had the best four. You can just kind of lie there and reflect on the day. Like a drive home after a weekend away. The quality doesn’t count, your mind can distract you.
Or do you throw her in the middle?
Now you’ve considered them all, the gauntlet doesn’t seem such an easy task does it?
For me, I’d tackle either Sarah or #2 first. I’d follow Sarah/#2 with whichever I didn’t choose the first time round. So if I took Sarah first, I’d use #2 second. They’re both pretty much a warm up for Cheryll, lets face it. Cheryll would be my number three. I’m not shattered enough at this stage to be a big pile of sweat on top of her, collapsing every minute or so, but I’m going to be tired enough to last a while \o/. A nice balance, I think.
I’d finish the gauntlet by combining ginge with #4 (aka maybe the Irish one? aka I think her name is Nadine?) in a love triangle. I didn’t say that couldn’t be done, to be fair. If we say the ginge is a 3 and that #4 is a 6, which I think are both quite harsh-ish scores, then technically I’d be sleeping with a 9. And that’s never bad. I’d be shattered, and while ginge ain’t the greatest she ain’t too bad. Hell, I think she warrants more than a 3 but most will disagree, in which case I’ve got myself a potential 10+. Go team Woolford.
Sarah —> #2 —> Cheryll —> #4 + Ginge
I’m happy with that.
Click ‘leave a comment’ and tell me how you’d do the gauntlet. Or just slag off the ginger one.
Peace.
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