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Today I finally booked a holiday. It’s been two years since my last holiday, and a further two years since the one before that. That’s one holiday in four years. After months of my girlfriend nagging that we should go away somewhere in the summer, and despite being a ridiculously poor student (£-1000 overdraft, ouch)… I’ve just booked a 10 day break in Barcelona. And I’m giddy like a school kid even though the holiday isn’t for another 6 months.

The last holiday I went on was a seedy, classless “lads” holiday to Magaluf. Me and three other lads spent a week in a god awful hotel and spent pretty much the whole time there trying to get as drunk as possible. Not that that is a bad thing, what else would we go to Magaluf for other than sun, beer and women? There was no culture or tourist value to that holiday at all - it was a glorified 7 day drinking binge, and an expensive one at that. The place was pretty dirty and during the day we found ourselves pretty bored. Needless to say I didn’t really fancy it again, and my girlfriend has a way of nagging me until she gets what she wants.

Perhaps what has really filled me with excitement is the hotel I booked. A four-star hotel on the suburbs of Barcelona, but still a short walk from the beach and a 15 min metro ride from anywhere we want to be (and the nearest metro stop is a few minutes walk). The hotel’s decor looks modern and stylish, which led me to think it would cost an arm and a leg but its only 50 quid a night for the pair of us… which is cheaper than most places throughout the whole of Barce… 2-3 stars included. Believe me when I say its a far cry from the tacky, prison-layout that I stayed in at Magaluf… I’ve read nothing but good reviews about this hotel, the Vincci Maritimo…

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How about that for an unambiguous title?

I’m not one for sleazy upskirt pictures and drooling over each and every celebrity in hollywood in any way shape or form… BUT… a rack like this needs to be honoured. I feel like I’m a better person for having seen these pictures. Jennifer Love Hewitt has always been a rather conservative, well covered girl even when shes been the main attraction of a film, and photoshoots in things like FHM have always been fairly tame so I had no idea she possessed a cleaveage of this magnitude.

The photos were taken at an Academy Awards after party which I’m sure was the most popular after party once people caught a glimpse of JLH on the red carpet earlier in the night. I’m not even sure I could look her in the eyes they’re that engrossing. They certainly puts Scarlett Johansson’s fun bags to shame.

Avril Lavigne has crawled out from whatever rock she’s been hiding under for the past few years to make this. “Girlfriend” is Lavigne’s lead single for her new album, and I expect that if you’ve just watched the above video you’ve already raced to amazon.co.uk/.com to see when you can get it! Or not. Jokes (the song, the clothes, the dancing, the whole concept and video in general) aside… Avril looks hot. Really hot. The kind of hot where if you watch the video on mute you’re more appreciative. So do that instead.

Picture the scene - It’s a charity football match between England and Germany. A combination of past footballers and ‘personalities’ from the media. One of which is Conservative politician Boris Johnson. Losing 4-2 at the time, Boris Johnson who can be no younger than 50, rushes to close down a German player. He does this so fast that his old legs can’t stop. So what happens? He just falls into the guy at full speed leaving the German on the floor in agony, what else? Go Boris!

And finally, Manchester United blitzed Reading for 3 goals inside the first 6 minutes last night. The video above is the only one I could find of the first 6 minutes from kick off, it is in rather shit quality but you can tell whats happening. Heinze scores on 2 minutes, Saha on 4 and Solskjaer on 6. In my whole life I’ve never seen a team at this level make a start as good as this. To Reading’s credit, they sorted their act out and the game finished 3-2 and could have been 3-3 when they hit the bar in stoppage time… but 3 goals in the first 6 minutes… that’s just awesome.

In searching for previous quickly taken free kicks (ala Lille v Man Utd) which Manchester United had themselves conceded, I came across the Manchester derby game from a few years back. Not only did I come across that game with some fine youtube-age, but it was taken from Sky Sports Supporter Commentary… and in this case it makes for hilarious entertainment.

This guy is an utter legend. I’d have him next to me at a United game any time.

“YYYYYYESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS”
“RUUD RUUD RUUD”
“GET IN THERE”
“10 MEN”
“2 NIL”
“GOOD BYE GOOD NIGHT”
“GIDDY UP SON”
“KISS KISS BANG BANG”
“GOOD NIGHT VIENNA”

Just found this awesome collector’s exhibit of album/vinyl covers since the dawn of hip hop. Brought to you by Bomb Hip Hop. I don’t know who they are, but they put together a good collection!

Photos

More photos

Proof that women are impossible. First I tell her something funny, she won’t let me caress her breasts. Then I tell her something smart, she won’t let me caress her breasts. Finally I read her a poem, she won’t let me caress her breasts!

This is one of those roleplaying decision games you used to play as a kid - you make one decision then you’re faced with a new scenario and a few more decisions, etc. etc. although when you were a kid it wasn’t so much seeing pictures of computer boobs - more going through mazes, killing dragons and that kind of shit. The aim of this game is to nob ‘Ariane’. The game doesn’t work in firefox, so use Internet Explorer.

As sad as this all is, it’s very addictive. And also very Not Safe For Work (if you get far, or so I’m told, I can’t get out of the bloody house).

Virtually Date Ariane. Addictive once you get going. It took me about 20 goes to actually get away from “lousy” breast touching and french kiss attempts… the fool proof method is as follows;

- click the book (she’ll laugh)
- compliment her outfit
- kiss her on the cheek
- say you’re over 18
- go to another room

From there you’re on your own. (Backspace will come in handy)

24 (Season 6, Episode 10)
Dirt (Season 1, Episode 8 )
Friday Night Lights (Season 1, Episode 17)
Heroes (Season 1, Episode 16)
Lost (Season 3, Episode 9)
Prison Break (Season 2, Episode 17)
Studio 60 (Season 1, Episode 16)
The O.C. (Season 4, Episode 16) - Season Finale

Last O.C. ever.

Video for Nas’ new single “Can’t Forget About You” from his Hip Hop Is Dead album.

There’s a nice old school feel to this record and the video does it justice. Nas has always had an obsession with Casino-style gangsters in sharp suites and big, glamorous houses - but Casino is my favourite film of all time so that’s ok with me!

Not too sure this single will do well in the charts - but I like the song, I like the video - so here I am, sharing it with you.

Fingers crossed for a Black Republican video for the next single.

Random stuff from all over the net;

- Former Irish World Cup players John Aldridge and Tony Cascarino have signed up for a five-a-side game between two islands to settle a debate about the home of TV show Father Ted. Bizarre.

- A dog owner in China says his pet dog is smart enough to buy his own sausages when he gets hungry. The picture suggests he may not be lying.

- Two surgeons in a Belgrade hospital abandoned an operation by starting a fight with each other in the operating theatre, leaving their assistant to finish the procedure while they traded blows.

- With Britney Spears being all over the web for her newly shaved cranium, uber.com decided to make the top 10 ’stupidest britney moments’ all with youtube coverage and photos of course, to my surprise her marriage to Kevin Federline only scored in a #8. And on a similar note, worth1000.com set up a competition to see what other celebrities would like bald.

- Cracked.com’s “What to expect from sex” as dictated by Internet porn.

- The best cleavage in Video Game history. Strange debate, but whatever.

- Recognised as the roughest game in football history, The Battle of Santiago 1962, saw 2 outrageous sendings off and some even better non-sendings off. Oh, and here’s the record-breaking ‘roughest game’ in football history, statistically atleast. Holland v Portugal in last year’s world cup saw 4 sendings off and A LOT of yellow cards.

- To balance out the bad, here’s a video of argueable the best World Cup team ever. The 1970 Brazilian World Cup team weren’t even considered challengers for the competition, but played some of the best football ever to be seen at a World Cup finals. Sit back and enjoy.

- And some Wikipedia linkage. First, Mills End Park, the smallest park in the world with a total area of 0.3m squared. Secondly, the principality of Sealand, just off the coast of England and with a residency that struggles to exceed 10 people it still manages to field a football team, a world mini-golf championships condenter and even entered a car in the 24 Le Mans Racing Derby. And of course, what kind of linkage would this be without a ridiculously long Wikipedia list? So, I present to you their list of Unusual Deaths, including Jack Daniels dying from kicking a safe and a greek philosopher dying from laughter watching his drunken donkey try to eat figs.

As a Manchester United fan, I’m left with a mixture of feelings from last night’s game at Lille.

Delight - obviously because United grabbed a 1-0 win away from home in a Champions League knockout tie. Lille now need to score more than once and they need to beat us at Old Trafford - a tall task for any side, especially when it is what is required. The win was probably undeserved as I would mark last night’s performance as one of the worst of the season.

Disgust - at how our fans were treated in France last night. First they were packed into a space that couldn’t hold them, and when they tried to escape in a desperate manner they were beaten with truncheons and sprayed with tear gas. I saw one fan fall from near the top of the fench because French police were hitting his fingers with their truncheons, and he couldn’t hold on. The obvious references to Hillsborough and what happened there meant people feared the worst, and it looked like the game could have been called off. The handling of our fans before the game, and the handling of them in crisis was nothing short of appalling.

Disappointment - at the Lille players. Not so much for their ‘protest’ but for their attitude throughout the game. Diving at every available opportunity from soft/routine challenges. Maybe the English league is known for its physicallity, but the challenges that forced Lille players to dive were not excessive or robust by any means. They pleaded with the referee for cards, and they encouraged a crowd to become hostile towards United players. I can understand their frustration, and it is always bitterly disappointing to concede a goal in the manner they did, but to hold up the game and incite further tension throughout the ground was so unprofessional.

I’m also disappointed with the media’s exaggeration that the protest was a boycott. While at first it did look that way, explanation after the game tells us that in France they do things differently and protest at the first stoppage - which explains why they kicked the ball straight out from kick off. They were summoned over, yes, but what was misconstrued as a boycott has yet to be explained by the British media.

There are still calls for Lille to be kicked out of the competition, which is absurd. They protested, which they have every right to do, although the intimidation of the referee and incitement of the crowd in already dangerous circumstances for United fans is a disgusting, unprofessional attitude. A lot will be made of the goal and the protest - but far worse for me was the worrying scenes of the United fans spilling over 10ft high railings for fear of being crushed, only to be met with tear gas and truncheons.

An ugly game was made all the more disappointing by Lille’s handling of their players, staff and security.